I’m not particularly athletic or competitive, and that may be why it is difficult for me to understand the immense pressure put on some children by their parents to perform well during youth sports events. I often find myself cringing while parents aggressively coach their children with less than encouraging words from the sidelines. Believe me, when it comes to supporting and cajoling my child during the game, I’m there. It’s only when I hear adults saying hurtful things to young, elementary-aged children, that I become a bit uncomfortable. For instance, following my son’s indoor soccer game last weekend, I heard a mother tell her son that his team could not expect to win because they just stood around and were lazy. Please keep in mind that there was not a child more than 10 years old on the team.

It is easy to see how a child would be confused and distracted by the constant bombardment of instruction from both coaches and spectators at the same time. It is also easy to see how children would suffer low self-esteem after hearing negative feedback from the people whose opinion they care about the most, their family. Sports should be a positive experience for children, through the wins and the losses. My memories of sports as a child were not of victories, but of times spent with the other children having fun.

There are many extremely insightful books regarding the pressure put onto child athletes. “Whose Game Is It, Anyway?” by Amy Baltzell, Richard D. Ginsburg and Stephen Durant is a highly recommended read for anyone with children in sports. All three authors are practicing clinical psychologists and one is a former Olympic athlete. The book examines the many, often life-long, side effects of sports pressure during adolescence.

In my opinion, the coaching should be left to the coaches, parents should always offer a soft place to land, and youth sports should be fun. The discipline, hard work, sportsmanship and dedication that children can take away from sports, far outweighs any trophy.